the new thomas ganz dictionary:

tssst - (verb) - Here. Usage: waitress is brining you food. you would signal which plate was yours by giving a 'tssst'

NEG - (adj.) - no. usage: you do not wish to do something, cry NEG.

YAR - (adj.) - yes.

pancakes... maple! - (verb) - bring me panckaes with maple syrup.

2x - (adj) - twice, again. usage - if singing along to nirvana - "rape me... rape me my friend. rape me... rape me 2x"

posted by RJ at 3:13 AM

GUIDE TO CHRISTMAS PRESENTS

good present: 20-foot ladder

good present that sighs a lot: old man who is remembering his glory days

fake present: a box with a fake camera hidden in the bottom under tissue paper

good present with mournful wails: your grandfather's ghost

good present that wont fit under the tree: all the world's ails and sadness.

bad present: a slight case of the cancers

bad present that grows up: baby

bad present that grows up but would be a good name for a punk band: babies with rabies


also as a christmas present i bring to you things that anton from the jonestown massacre said to me:

''I know it's Mardi Gras and I am SO FUCKIN' TIRED of people screaming out, 'Show me your zits!' at me. I don't have FUCKIN' acne, MAN!'

"i have a guitar with a swastika on it back there to break over the head of anyone who hits a girl"

'Theyíre not gonna unfreeze Walt Disney tomorrow andhave him on The Morning Show."

'Don't drink water, fish fuck in water.'

'Our band members are having a discussion about whether or not they want to shoot up DOPE or play
music. But I'm going to play music, because I'm HERE TO ENTERTAIN YOU.'

'I'd like to take some time to chat with some of youbeautiful ladies in the audience now. I would love to invite you all to have sex with me, you know, every one of you that I could accommodate on my one penis, but I'm here to play music, I'm HERE TO ENTERTAIN YOU.'

'I could be up here shootin'dope in my eye, my ear, up my ass--I could be like Stevie Nicks with a fuckin' glass tube, but no, I'm HERE TO ENTERTAIN YOU.'

'I dare N*Sync or Britney/Shitney or 98 fuckin', million, thousand degrees to do anything as good as'Whatí's Going On.' (This led into an impromptu, a capella, falsetto 'crooning' of Marvin Gaye's'Sexual Healing,' complete with grinding into the mike stand).

'Yeah, well you know I'd like to take Britney, N*Sync and 98 fuckiní million thousand--and shoot 'em all right into the fuckin' SUN! Them AND Walt Disney's ice cube.'

"i was not drunk, i am sick, i work 24 hours a day,for more than the last month.get your facts straight, i walk in tt the bears and there are no-less than four satanic images. i do not enjoy your people. the way they live. i am alive. you are a bore, and unless they cut the parts of the webcast where i said "stop fucking your kids in the ass, stop hitting girls, be kind to animals, respect strangers......."

i really wanted to do my best, it's really sad what i experianced in amerca this trip, america is dead. her masts slipped quietly benieth the waves,the survivers,just tiny heads bobbing up and down in a cold black ocean, never noticed her passing,they were too busy trying to tread water. i'm sure someone wrote the same thing in 1777. maybe it was me.

i have to fight somebody everyday just to be able to sing love songs in public.








posted by RJ at 12:02 AM

i think a good name for a baby would be "mouth". because then, by the time hes learning to speak, he'll have a head start and already know one word -- mouth.
posted by RJ at 5:25 PM