actual things that happened to me in school, and the lessons ive learned
by rj

kindergarten - a waterbug popped up through the sink drain. it was really scary looking and everyone crowded around to look at it. suddenly it ran up the side of the drain and everyone screamed and it fell on my shoe. i shook my foot and crushed it, and the teacher yelled at me.
lesson: bug = good.

Victor Mravlag School #21:
1st grade - mr. brescher the gym teacher had us line up one day because we had to go to the nurse. i asked him why and he said 'to get a big shot with a needle this big' and demonstrated how long the needle was. i got scared, not because i was scared of shots, but because my mom always told me i wasnt supposed to get shots in school. i started to cry, and he just laughed and kept asking me if i was scared. i explained my situation and he said 'oh no, youre definately gonna get a needle'. i cried more.
lesson: crying 6 year old = prime chance to fuck with someones head

1st grade two - mr. mcnelly had a table set up on parent teacher night with instruments on it. random kids were playing with the instruments. when i went to pick up the maracas, mr. mcnelly snatched them away. other kids continued to play with other instruments, but he withheld the maracas. my dad talked with him for a bit, and at the end of their conversation mr. mcnelly said "why dont you show us how to play the maracas, rj." i took them, and shook them once, before he snatched them away again.
lesson: im not allowed to play maracas. ever.

2nd grade - i was at the urinal peeing, and drew was at the urinal next to me. he turned and peed on my leg and screamed 'ta-da'. when we went to the principal as a result of this, drew's excuse was "i was trying to pee on the floor, like rj did at cub scouts" (i used to pee in the drain in the st. gens bathroom floor at cub scouts). i got punished for this, even though it happened at a completely unrelated place, because i set a bad example.
lesson: at age 7, you should be setting examples for your friends, or else you're fucked

2nd grade part two - I had just learned the word "lesbian" and I thought it was funny. Outside in gym class, as I threw a hula hoop, I triumphantly yelled out "LESBIAN!". the teacher sent me to the principal, who gave me detention for desturbing classes by yelling "Made up words".
lesson: Lesbian is a made up word.

3rd grade - drew, jorge and I would make paper dolls and call them "suicide men". we'd draw sad faces on them, and then kill them in certain ways (such as drowning them in the fountain), and swear it was their own doing because, after all, they were suicide men. taryn flores told on us, and the mrs. mitchell asked if we thought that was funny. we said yes, and she said "good, you were honest. dont do it again". and we didnt get in trouble.
lesson: joking about suicide at a young age is okay, as long as you are open with the fact that death can be humorous.

3rd grade two - in mrs. stryker's math class, for some reason, we were learning about the white house (in math!). mrs. stryker kept making a point of saying how the rooms had been "Untouched since the 1700s" and that everything was very old. I raised my hand and asked if they had a TV in the white house. Mrs. Stryker called me an idiot and got very angry.
lesson: they have tvs in the white house.

WIlliam Halloran School #22:
4th grade - every thursday was "CLUB DAY", a day where we would have two classes and spend the rest of the day in our "clubs" which we would sign up for. we were alloted two hours for the club. I signed up for a swimming club called "splish splash". every thursday we would get on a bus with the rest of the suburban white kids, and they would drive us to school #1, which was in the absolute heart of the ghetto. we would then proceed to go in the locker rooms and change into our swimsuits. the kids in the locker room would yell and scream and rap and scare us. then we'd get to the pool, and they'd teach us how to swim. i had been on the swim team for years at this point, and i knew every stroke and could swim perfectly. we'd spend 20 minutes doing the doggie paddle, before we would return to the locker room and get scared some more, before drivinh back to school all wet.
lesson: school is ridiculous.

4th grade two - one day in the winter, they made all the kids go outside without their jackets. we sat out there for three hours, freezing, then we went back inside. the teachers wouldn't tell us why we were outside, and when I asked, mrs. surmay told me to "mind my own business". later i found out that there was a bomb threat made to our school.
lesson: don't question anything, ever.

5th grade - i was biting into my hamburger at school, when I felt something hard. I realized it was a tooth as I pulled it out of my mouth. I checked ... nope, not my tooth. I took it to Mrs. Peranio, who told me it was mine. I told her it wasn't mine. She told me it was. I told her I found it in my hamburger, and it wasn't my tooth, because I had all mine. She told me to go show it to the lunchlady. I did. She said it was mine. I told her it wasn't, and explained the situation. She said "hrm" and took the tooth and put it in an envelope. she said she don't see how any tooth other than mine could be in a hamburger. i went back and sat down again.
lesson: If the lunchlady says so, it's your tooth. no matter what.

5th grade two - jorge was in the school play, annie get your gun. he had the male lead. when me and drew went to see the play, we sat in the back and watched it quietly with our parents. the next day, mrs. peranio called me immature, and asked why i couldn't even keep quiet during my friend's play. when I was confused, she said "maybe you should have been in the play, because you can certainly act confused well enough. you know what you did." then she wouldnt listen anymore.
lesson: dont show support for your friends by going to their shows.

5th grade three - we were going to preform with the chorus at woodbridge mall. i was singing "bashana" in rehearsal, when I felt lightheaded. next thing I knew I was in the bathroom with water all over me. singing "bashana" had caused me to pass out, and mrs. cade took me to the nurse. the nurse gave me some juice, and sent me to the mall. when it was time to preform the song at the mall, mrs. peranio said she didnt want me to sing it, because i might pass out again. i sang every other song fine, but had to make a scene by edging my way out of the risers before Bashana.
lesson: hebrew songs affect me like kryptonite

6th grade - taking the advice of my teacher, i joined the play. i got one of the male leads, along with jorge, edwich, and pat. when they were doing makeup, i jokingly said "i want mutton chops!". fat mr. dunn said "you got it." and started to draw mutton chops on my face with a makeup pencil. It hurt, and I didnt want mutton chops, so I stopped him, and said I was kidding. Then mrs. peranio came up and glared at me, said I looked ridiculous. to remedy the situation, she had fat mr.dunn draw a full beard on me with makeup pencil. I looked even more ridiculous, and hurt myself scrubbing the makeup off later.
lesson: just accept mutton chops, or else.

6th grade two - we were all rushed outside once again, in the cold. we sat there for half of the day, and even missed lunch. Hungry and freezing, pat and i decided to ask the mrs. cataliotti what was going on. she told us that someone had thrown up inside, and the janitors were working on it. we reminded her jokingly that we were capable of reasoning at this point in our lives, and that answer didn't really make sense. she said "well, that's what they told the teachers... i dont know what to tell you."
lesson: dont trust anyone.




posted by RJ at 2:10 AM