things I miss about elizabeth NJ:

7-11 - Dont get me started

white castle - REALLY, don't get me started.

the smell - Seriously, you can smell elizabeth from 20 miles away. It's got a sulphuric scent. you can always smell it exuding from sewer drains in elmora, but when you get down to the new mall FORGET IT. you'd think elizabeth was built on ground made of eggs. what the fuck.

shoes on the electric wires - people were asking about why shoes end up there on a mailing list I'm on. this caused me to think about how, by school 14 (the downtown elmora section), there's about 300 shoes on the electric wires PER SQUARE FOOT. why? nobody knows. i guarantee you that if you ask your parents why those shoes are up there, they won't have the slightest clue.

really loud civics - just because you're a suburban white kid raised by a suburban white family doesn't mean your car shouldn't be some shitty hatchback with loud-as-fuck mufflers and shit that probably cost 3x as much as your car did. the elizabeth culture is universal, no matter how rich your family is, or how close you live to roselle park.

e-town concrete's omnipresence - i've never seen them, i've never even heard any of their songs. but that doesnt matter. if you live in elizabeth, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO CONNECT YOURSELF TO ONE OR MORE OF THE MEMBERS OF E-TOWN CONCRETE. Mine? i was enemies with one of the member's brothers all through 7-8 grade. i'm sure there's more, and I'm sure you can draw a similar line.

homeless guys at 7-11 - those are some pushy motherfuckers. if you say no to their pleas for change, they will IMMEDIATELY ask you if it's because they're black. one way or another, you're gonna have to give these dudes change, there's no way around it.

the tropicana - rule: if you are at the tropicana, you will see people you know. without fail. on occasion, it will be someone you like. but more often than not, some slacker from your past will turn up at the tropicana and give you a "whats up" and an upwards nod, ESPECIALLY if you don't particularly like them. also, there's at least a 60% chance that this person will be working at the diner.

the 99cent depot - I've yet to find another 99cent store that sells octopus.

the jersey gardens theatre - theatre is used in the loosest sense. It's more of a place where people come to get in fights and scream at the screen. its like a football game but with 450 different teams, with 450 groups of fans who all hate eachother. is stadium seating a fair tradeoff for not being able to hear the movie at all? ... yeah.

joe fowler - he left elizabeth. he sold out. either way... who doesn't miss his wisdom? "dude, putting a soda can on a grill will cause it to change COOLARS", "A saab is ugly, but it has many-a-speed.", "dude, you wanna go to COLLEGE? and get a college DEGREE, with your COLLEGE SWEATER, and go to COLLEGE BEER PARTIES, wearing your COLLEGE HAT, and COLLEGE KHAKIS, AND YOUR COLLEGE !!ASS!!", "Hey, pat, does your sister have her license? Does she do stupid shit in her car like this?" (swerves off the road)

the no grafitti sign - If you're driving in from roselle on Westfield ave, the first sense of elizabeth you get is a sign in the medium that reads "WELCOME TO ELIZABETH" and then "GRAFFITTI" written underneath in crazy red font that was supposed to look like spraypaint. Apparently, mr. bollwage decided to crack down on Grafitti a few years back. his sign, however, wasn't very well made, and the big X over the word graffitti quickly wore off, leaving a sign that reminds you of how filthy it really is there.

the acme - can you name 5 people who've worked at the acme? of course you can. don't feel special.

buy-rite - every few years a new owner comes around, SWEARING they're gonna clean up the buy-rite. never happens. ever.

the budweiser plant - It's like the sun to elizabeth. you can't look up without seeing this obnoxiously red eagle flying in place. bonus points if you can see it from your bedroom window.

posted by RJ at 4:52 PM