bad situations you to can find yourself caught in, just like i have.

entemanns - you might be excited because they sell munchkins in the supermarket. but if they're called "popems" or "donut holes", you know you're seriously in DEEP SHIT. they taste like little dough balls and make you throw up. dont buy anything labeled entemanns. this is a bad situation.

fake halloween - kids, halloween lasts ONE day. always remember this. therefore, if it is november 2nd, you are drunk on the streets of boston at 2am, and you see a man on the street dressed like a construction worker... don't assume he's dressed like one of the village people. more importantly, don't voice your approval of his costume to him. he will respond with "yeah real fucking funny, asshole" and be all pissed off and MAYBE wanting to kick your ass. this is a bad situation.

vietnam is not funny - if it's the weekend of rolling thunder, and you're in the DC area, you will see lots of bikers. many of these bikers are vietnam veterans. many of these bikers go to the vietnam memorial, and usually get very emotional. i was 13 at the time. drew had just bought a book at the washington monument gift shop (yeah there's a gift shop in that thing). the book had a picture of a baby riding a goat. drew showed me this picture right before we went to the vietnam memorial where all the bikers were. we cracked up for about 10 minutes, and then someone told us "you better cut that out ebcause if those bikers see you laughing they'll kick your ass". we walked by all the crying bikers, and drew and i were holding back laughter. then we laughed a little. bad bad situation.

going to the elizabeth mall - being at the elizabeth mall is always a bad situation no matter what you're doing there. last time i went a lady bumped into me and then threatened my life, and some marines tried to recruit me jorge and max. i'm a college kid... can't we just wait until the draft man, leave me alone.

meeting doors - you may think its a good diea to go get ray manzerek's autograph -- its not. because ray manzarek likes to sign autographs at porn conventions, for about 20 dollars a pop. also, if you bring him a picture of him and the rest of the band, he will get pissy and sign over jim morrisons face. fuckin asshole. now i'm at a porn convention for nothing. fuck ray manzerek.

you have no excuse - a few years ago back in high school, steph and i were throwing rocks at the scoreboard by our track. some jackass saw us and took us to the principal. we were clearly throwing rocks at the scoreboard, we had no excuse. fuck hagan.

being white - if you're white, don't drive your car, because there is always a chance you can make a wrong turn and end up in irvington. tim mulroy made a wrong turn and ended up on a dead end in irvington. a cop stopped us, and informed us that we were "three fucking white kids in the middle of the highest drug trafficking area in NJ and you expect me to believe that you made a wrong turn!?" he told us that "The haitians were on one side of the street and the africans were on the other side and you're in the middle, you should be shot." the cop was hispanic. i still cant decide if he was more prejudiced agains black people or white people.

uh oh - cinco de mayo falls on a monday this year so you have to have a party a week earlier on a saturday. enter taco-fest 2000, or "night of 2000 tacos". invite everyone you know. then, realize there's no way you can provide ONE taco, let alone 2000.


posted by RJ at 3:18 PM